Dear diary
It has been a long time since I felt this way. The uncertain feeling about our love affair keeps me busy for a long time. Sure, I'm thinking about either going on with him or just stop to retain our good memories. I have no idea whether I love him or vice versa. He became someone who was no longer necessary in my life, to be honest. I have many more relationships, friends, and conversations. However, it is quite sincere to say that I really want to come back to our previous days. The old days always have their own attraction. It was when we didnt even think about our future. Unlike today, unlike nowadays.
I love him, so much that I think that the word "love" cannot have enough power to express my feelings for the guy. However, our love affair makes me disappointed again and again. Sometimes, I even think that, God doesnt want us to be a couple, or in other words, despite our attempt, we can never be lovers, truly lovers.
Just like other girls - teenage girls, to be more specific - I love to be loved, I love the feelings I have for my lover. I wish to have days beside him, talking endlessly about everything. But everything has turned out to be...nothing.
How does he mean in my life? Can I live without him?
He loves me, I believe he still loves me (to some extent, actually), but I cant even know how much this love is, and whether it is strong enough to compensate with...my lost feelings.
Please, I dont want to lose him right now. I havent prepared for it yet. I am young, even though I have many chances, waiting for me to experience, to have my true love, I want to make my first love the most remarkable memory in my life.
Today I talked with my mother, and we both agreed that in order to have a long-lasting marriage, it is more important to marry a "soulmate" - what it means is someone who can help his wife with her career, giving helpful advice, and sharing important decision - than to marry someone you merely love. So...you know what I mean.
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